Are You this Little Girl on a Battlefield?

Are You this Little Girl on a Battlefield?

By smorones

Are you this girl?


I see a small girl in a dress.

She is in the middle of a battlefield with bombs going off. Jesus comes in and picks her up and shields her. He protects her and talks to her for a long while. She only knows the immense love of Jesus for a long time while war is raging.

Then as the war settles down, he takes her back to her people and stands away from her so she can reunite with her family.  She doesn’t understand why her family has they were changed by war. She struggles to re-integrate with her family. She angrily judges them.

She feels like Jesus left her completely when she can’t feel comfortable with her family. She’s angry with Jesus and she wonders if he was real at all?  She feels lonely for a long time. After some time and struggles, she begins to love her family and feel loved. As she starts to love her family, she begins to feel and hear Jesus again as her anger fades.

Suddenly, she gets healing breakthrough, forgives Jesus and falls into Jesus’ arms. When she reunites with Jesus, she becomes a powerful force of Jesus’ love to her family and community that was wounded by war. She teaches them the power of forgiveness and she introduces them to her best friend Jesus.

The little girl is stronger after forgiving Jesus, but she always struggles with relationships because her community is different than her.  She experienced something extraordinary that they haven’t yet discovered.  She continually tries to bridge the divide.  Her heart aches for wholeness for her people, even as she shares Jesus’ love for them.

“This little girl is my chosen ambassador to her people.”

I don’t know who this story is for, but I received it in my prayers so I am passing it on.  I hope this story encourages someone.

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Posted by on March 1, 2018 in Posts from the Group


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Rwanda Sugar

Rwanda Sugar

Finding Redemption in My Addiction to Short Term Missions

~ By Michelle Schmidtfile_000

A few years back I fell in love with a place called Rwanda.

Like all good love stories, it was love at first sight, it felt like we were meant for each other, I was swept off my feet, etc. as the beautiful country and its people stole my heart. It was dazzling and exciting; I saw true miracles take place. And it would’ve been a proper Disney fairytale had the credits rolled shortly after the magic happened. But the story kept going. And it got unfairytale-y.


The short version of that story is the same as almost every story of pain, which is that I wronged others and that I was wronged — so everyone acted like humans, pretty much. Except when it’s your own life, it’s a bigger deal.

Between the two — wronging others and being wronged — it’s the first that’s stung the most. Hurting people was never intentional. I was naive, I did dumb things, ended up in dumb places. But whether you mean to or not, you carry shame from something like that.

A lot of people go into short-term missions packing a messiah complex along with their anti-malaria pills. I was no different. I thought that I could fix a lot of people and situations. I wanted to be the hero, change the world, make my mark. At the age of 29, with zero experience in international development, I was pretty sure I had what it took to rescue a child, a village, a nation — and in so doing, grab hold of some sense of personal significance.

I knew I had this ego-centric mindset, but I couldn’t shake it. Maybe because I hoped to be the exception to the rule — everyone else had this false messiah complex, but what if I was the actual messiah? Well, you can guess how that turned out.

I also became an addict. If you’ve ever gone on a short-term mission trip, you probably got a taste of the emotional high that comes with a cross-cultural experience. It’s something I later began to call “Rwanda sugar” — though cocaine might be a better equivalent.

mix of sweet cakes, donuts and candy with sugar text

Missions addicts and crack addicts act pretty much the same with their erratic bursts of irrational, super-human energy. But instead of drugs, there are these deep, sub-surface emotions driving it all.

In between the altruistic and faith-filled motives — because those were certainly present as well — I craved adventure and was desperate to be someone special. Rwanda fed that. Rwandans are exceptional at making you feel good about yourself. Somehow it’s endemic in their culture. I have never felt so valued, so amazing as in my interactions with Rwandans. It left me euphoric and all I wanted was more of it.

And I didn’t even need to go on a mission trip to get it — thanks to the glorious world wide web, it was constantly available. For a time, my thoughts, emotions and energy revolved around the relationships and potential roles I could play in Rwanda. I took on inordinate roles in my Rwandan relationships; I couldn’t not pour every ounce of myself into them. It was draining and yet I felt so fulfilled by these emotions that they became my food — to the point that I was hardly interested in real food and reached my lowest adult weight. That also felt good.

A couple “Rwanda sugar” cookies here and there is fine, but a steady diet of them is dangerous. I neglected real friendships and real opportunities in favor of relationships and opportunities that shimmered like a desert mirage. I neglected my family, investing my heart in a country on the other side of the world.

Because of my messiah complex and emotional addiction, I did not always relate to Rwandans in ways that affirmed their value. They were people to be helped — which made me feel good, but what did it make them feel? “Serving” and “loving” can bring shame rather than affirmation, a sense of being used rather than being empowered.

In the high emotion of all of this, I was oblivious to wrongs done to me. But over time, these things became harder to ignore. If I was using Rwandans for emotional gain, I began to wonder if I was being used too? All the things that were said to make me feel good began to look a little bit more like flattery, or emotional manipulation. Were they saying these things because they really liked me? Or did they just want money, connections or something else from me? I cannot judge intent. I only know how I felt.

There were also culturally accepted wrongs I wasn’t prepared for like dishonesty and the abuse of power and finances. Every culture has their pet weaknesses, things everyone does and so somehow it’s OK, but I didn’t see these coming and when they did, it hurt personally and left me disillusioned and cynical.

And amidst all this I began to see that cross-cultural ministry wasn’t the perfect, happy, effective system it had appeared to be. For all those who benefitted from the exchange, there were also emotional repercussions and spiritual fallout on both sides of the ocean.

At the beginning, Rwanda made me feel like I was soaring but within a few years, it felt more like drowning. My emotional cravings, my guilt, my sense of failure, my hurt and disillusionment threatened to overwhelm me.

hand drowning

I felt alone and misunderstood. Everyone in my Christian community had praised and encouraged every step in my journey — missions work is gold-star stuff, after all. And when I’d bring up this darker side of missions, my and others’ behavior would be excused with a “well, no one is perfect” — which, while true, felt dismissive. I felt like a little kid trying to convince a grown up to save her from the green monster under the bed.

I felt too ashamed to open up and ask for help. I was worried about how my mistakes would be received. I felt fragile and broken and wasn’t sure I would be handled with care. Maybe this fear was unfounded. I know stories of grace shown to people in my place. I also know stories of judgment.

It’s hard to describe this place to someone who hasn’t been there, but I was stuck in a way I had never experienced before. I wanted out of the emotional addiction, the ties formed by my cravings.  I could see it was hurting me and the people I loved most, but I couldn’t break myself free. It was like I was swimming as hard as I could to get out, but the water kept pushing me down.

So I cried out to the only safe person I knew, the only one who had been near me the whole time. God heard and he answered. Someone I knew only as an acquaintance sent me a message and offered help; this person had once been where I was and, sensing I was struggling similarly, took a bold step in reaching out.

It was nothing other than a miracle. It was the hand that reached into the deep waters and pulled me up for air. I was offered grace, which is what I needed most in those days. Slowly, gently, I was able to let go of my attachments and break the emotional ties I had to that place.

I visited Rwanda twice: once to say hello and once to say good-bye — at least for a time. The first time I returned from Rwanda, my husband later said, it was as if I didn’t come back — my body was present, but my heart was not. It wasn’t until two years later, after my second visit, that I came home completely. If there is any one thing I could go back and undo, it would be hurting my family in this way.

With that mess behind me, I just wanted to forget everything that had happened. There was too much shame, too much confusion. It was easier to just close the door on Rwanda and move on. So that’s what I did. I maintained minimal relationships, but quietly cut off many of the rest.

But guilt and pain don’t disappear just because you isolate them and wait. Evidence of it would pop up in different places. I became more high-strung and noticed that I had started eating emotionally when I felt badly about something. Plus there was a lingering anxiety over what to do about cross-cultural missions — writing it all off didn’t seem like a long-term answer. I knew I couldn’t ignore that part of my story forever and after a few years was finally ready to do the hard, emotional work of facing it.

Over a couple weeks of focused prayer, I recalled and verbally released to forgiveness every instance of hurt and abuse against me. I was able to identify what I wanted my remaining Rwandan relationships to look like. I took time to confess every single moment that brought me shame or regret — to acknowledge it and hold it, and the emotions it brought, up to God. Others had forgiven me, God had forgiven me, but I still held these things against myself.

Those years before, I had broken away from the damaging behaviors, but with this final step of forgiveness I was finally free from the shame and pain I had been carrying around because of it. About a year after this, I realized my anxiety had decreased and I had stopped eating emotionally.

It’s been good for my Rwandan friendships too. Having shared these challenges and receiving forgiveness, we are free to relate as friends, true equals. We interact only occasionally, but when we do, it is honest and rich — a meeting of souls.

Last year I attended the wedding of one of these friends. Some of the other guests were those who I have come to know in my journey, both Rwandans and Americans. They share many of my experiences, adding mountains of their own sufferings and wrongs; they have been closer to it than I ever was.

I can’t even describe the beauty of the moment, all of us carrying these scars and wounds in varying stages of healing — and just being together, enjoying each other and celebrating the goodness God has given. I mean, that is a taste of heaven right there, right? All of us, with our giant wounds and messes, entering into love anyway?

I can’t tell you their stories, I can only tell my own. But I can tell you that there have been deep moments of healing for each of us. And God’s not done yet; this is only Chapter 4 and there is more grace and redemption ahead — there always is.

I know what yet needs redemption in my own story. I am still stuck in knowing how to help the poor without hurting them. I am stuck in knowing how to be generous because I still believe money can hurt people as much as it can help them. I am stuck in knowing when to speak up against wrongs and when to show grace. Probably because, underneath it all, I’m still stuck in knowing how to love — which has turned out to not be as neat or tidy, fun or easy as I had thought.

I ask myself sometimes why this happened? There have been times I have hoped it would be for the purpose of establishing a new and better system of cross-cultural ministry. There have been times I have hoped it had value as a lesson to others.

It is likely neither of these things.

What’s probably more true is that God allowed — maybe even invited me into — these things because He loves me. It has not always felt very loving, but I tell you, I am much richer for it. I understand grace in a new way now. I used to be perfect, or at least think I was, and now — well, that’s just hilarious. I hope that I am more empathetic, more forgiving of those who mess up, whether by intent or by foolishness. I’ve seen tremendous spiritual and emotional growth in myself through the experience. And the friends I’ve gained along the way, I wouldn’t trade them for the world; my life has been shaped immeasurably by their love and influence.

I have learned a thousand lessons, I have seen God show up a thousand times, I have tasted a thousand joys in this adventure in the Land of a Thousand Hills — and I think there’s more to come.

And I didn’t deserve a blessed one of those.

But I follow a God who turns ugly into beauty, sorrow into joy, shame into freedom — it is pretty great. The process, not so much. Getting redeemed is unfun. But being redeemed? I’d trade that for perfect any day.

By Michelle Schmidt

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Posted by on February 2, 2017 in Guest Posts


2016: Reconciliation


I hope for Reconciliation in 2016.

I went out with a group of Rwandans and Americans last night in Portland. As we talked, I marveled at how much judgment and separation exists within our epic 15 year journey of “ministry” relationships.  I hear stories within stories of pain and division among people who had formerly participated in a ministry to help others.  However, within each person in the story, I also see goodness:  love and compassion and a yearning not to be distant and wounded.

I wonder why, in a big, diverse family of people who love Jesus, we cannot find the way to draw near to each other with acts of love, instead of withdraw from each other with words of judgment?

I admit that my mistakes contributed to some of the brokenness in this community. I am sorry for the pain my actions caused.   I wonder if my failure should disqualify me from receiving love from people in this community?  Is God’s desire for this story to leave us in a state of splintered relationships?

My hope for 2016 is reconciliation among this special family of Rwandan-American relationships.

This past few months I have been learning about reconciliation and it’s terrifying. Reconciliation is a scary, humbling step beyond forgiveness. Forgiveness is an enormously difficult and powerful act.  Reconciliation is a miracle that can follow forgiveness.

I’ve come to believe that the person wronged should take the first step, and that’s counter intuitive. I feel greatly wronged in our long convoluted Rwanda-America story.  I feel let down by people I thought loved me or who I saw as spiritual leaders.  I couldn’t imagine that my job could be to push through my pain and show the person who wronged me that I love them.  I felt entitled to hold onto my pain.   I feared that if I show love to someone who wronged me, I am telling the world they didn’t do what I believe they did.

I looked to Jesus and saw a different model. Jesus extended the offer of reconciliation to those who unjustly accused him and killed him.  He didn’t wait for people to realize what they had done.  Instead He said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.”  And he extended an invitation to the worst sinners, to draw near to Him into relationship.  The great news is that we don’t have to be cleaned up to accept His offer.  We don’t have to fix everything we broke.  We don’t have to be correct, or justified, or theologically aligned, or a donor or the change maker.  We don’t have to bring anything to Jesus.  We are simply welcomed to Him.

I recently took a small but very scary step to show love to someone who hurt me.  The action felt like a catalyst.  I believe that God will move through my feeble effort and bring more healing than I can imagine.

I pray that a miracle of reconciliation will start to spread in my Rwandan-American community in 2016.  Everyone one of you who is part of this story, I encourage you to take a tiny step of love toward someone who has caused you pain.  We don’t have to know where it leads.  We don’t have to untangle this ourselves.  Jesus will do the hard work, if we show a willingness to participate.

A dear Rwanda friend, Pastor Elisee, spoke the most powerful words I heard in 2015.  He said to me, “Love Initiates.”

In 2016, my prayer is that Love Initiates Reconciliation.  Serena Morones


(Please share among those in the community.)


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Posted by on December 31, 2015 in Posts from the Group, Uncategorized


Partnerships at a Distance

Partnership at a Distance (a thought from Colossians)

How do we stay connected to sisters and brothers in Christ at a distance?  As I look back over the past sixty years of having good companions in many other places of the world there are several things that have emerged as important to me and to others.  The most important way of maintaining these partnerships is when we can travel to be with each other – that has been a great privilege for Kay and me over many years.  There is no substitute to sit with each other in one’s natural habitat as we do life together –even if some of the time these are only brief visits.

In 2010 it seemed that the Lord was indicating to me that my travels to Africa were no longer going to happen.  When I spoke of this to the group of twenty or so people who meet quarterly in Portland out of our love and concern for Africans one of the friends said, “Oh you will still be going to Africa.  You will just be going through us.”  And it reminded me of what Paul wrote to his friends in Philippi: “I am sending Timothy to you for I have no one else like him who will show genuine concern for your welfare.” (Philippians 2:19-20) There are lots of good things that come out of networking but it does not maintain and deepen partnerships – only when we send a like-minded friend to be with our other friend does this happen.

But if we can’t go in person or we don’t have a friend who can bring our love to these friends we still have great opportunities to communicate.  In the early days I spent hours every week hand writing or typing letters to people who were important in my life.  Much of the New Testament is composed of letters written by Paul, John, Peter and Mark.   Today, a phone call, an e-mail or a blog posting makes the process simple – but we still have to keep initiating communication with those who are important to us.

Some thoughts from Paul’s letter to believers in Colosse highlight another way.  The Apostle Paul had never been to Colosse.   But Epaphras was sent by that local fellowship to serve Paul in prison in Rome.  Because of their deep love for Jesus they were bound together in a partnership – a partnership between an insider from Colosse and an outsider in Rome to care for and support the local fellowships in Colosse and Laodicea.  Many of us in the United States have a God-given love for friends in Africa.  We are the “outsiders” to Africa but we are connected to each other and we are connected in partnerships with many “insiders” in various countries of Africa.  What does this partnership look like?

It begins because each and every one of us is clear that Jesus is the supreme creator and sustainer of the world and of each of our lives.  We know he is the beginning and the end and the reconciler of all things in heaven and earth.  And he holds first place in our lives. (Colossians 1:15-20)

This vision of Jesus compels us to work to the point of exhaustion (kopian in 1:29) as we are motivated by a strong inner concern to help everyone we know come to maturity in Christ.  In this letter Paul uses the word agonizomai three times.  It is a word describing the life and death struggle in the area.  In this struggle nothing is held back.  Paul uses the word to describe how he and Epaphras were giving everything in them to pray for those in Colosse.

It has always intrigued me that even though Paul and Epaphras would have known many of the circumstances in the lives of the believers in Colosse and Laodicea because Epaphras was one of them they chose to pray about underlying issues in the lives of his friends rather than their circumstances.  So many of the prayers I hear in this country are all about changing our circumstances.  But they prayed that these friends at a distance would:

  • Have spiritual wisdom and understanding to know God’s will.
  • They would live a life worthy and pleasing to the Lord.
  • They would be fruitful in good work.
  • They would grow in their knowledge of God.
  • They would have God’s inner strength to endure patiently with joy and thankfulness.

So it seems that we outside partners have our assignment as we love and care for our African friends.  We are to be women and men who struggle on their behalf as we give constant attention to perseverance in prayer.

And by God’s grace we shall do this. . . and more than likely our African friends are already doing this for us.

by Kent Hotaling – September 2015


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Posted by on September 8, 2015 in Posts from the Group


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The Life of Jesus in Our Organizations, by Kent Hotaling

In 1994 someone mentioned that there were 1,400 Christian organizations based in Nairobi, Kenya. There may be more or less today, but whatever the number that is a huge number of people who are doing good in Africa. However, anyone who is serious about the work of thee Kingdom in Africa has observed that often the organizational thinking and structures inhibit the free flow of the Spirit and the love of Jesus. What are some of the issues that we need to address to stay on target with what God wants to do through us?

  • Jim Peterson points out how the growth of an institution often creates a system that stifles the life of Jesus: “Function calls for form. Form is the pattern an action assumes. We need forms. But once forms are created, they tend to become virtually indestructible. They live on and on. Functions are easily lost. When forms survive their intended function, they acquire new meanings of their own. They become a part of the tradition of a culture. They acquire an authority of their own. Then it becomes heretical to even question an established form. Jesus repudiated the Tradition of the Elders. He had no other choice.”[1]
  • Another difficulty is that the leaders of these organizations have a special temptation. They are the ones who bring vision and they are the ones who rally people to the cause. The organizational structure of most Christian organizations is a pyramid rather than the leadership circle that is described in the New Testament – a circle in which all in the Body are equal and they are free to exercise their God-given gifts irrespective of role or gender. In our current systems the very best leaders lean against the temptation that rests in the system – to become narcissistic. But the danger always lies there to want to fulfill their “God-given vision”, even if it means manipulation and various means of controlling others. The prayer of Ruth Haley Barton gives a helpful perspective on how to combat this personal and organizational narcissism: “My prayer: God, help us to live within the limits of what you have called us to do. Help us live within the limits of who we are—both as individuals and as an organization. Help us give our very best in the field that we have been given to work and to trust you to enlarge our sphere of action if and when you know we are ready. Help us know the difference between being driven by grandiose visions and responding faithfully to the expansion of your work in and through us.”[2]
  • Several years ago I was introduced to another concept that has helped me put in focus what brings life inside a structure. We look at our groups from one of two perspectives: Boundary-set or center-set. If we are boundary set we define who we are by our external boundaries, e.g. what people have to believe or do in order to be inside the boundary of our group. This also identifies who is not in our group. People don’t qualify because they haven’t believed or done the right things. This might be okay if the boundaries were ones established by God, but we set up ones different from other believers because of the differences in our theology, our cultural biases, and our different insecurities. Thus we are often not living within God’s boundaries that are spacious and inclusive but within much smaller ones that make us feel comfortable and secure – but isolate us from others.

The center-set group is one who hears Jesus say, “Follow me.” and as they follow they find that Jesus is the center of their group. The attention is on the person of Jesus rather than on the rules or structures that define people as “in” or “out”. All who are focused on Jesus are connected no matter where they are in their journey. None of us can exclude any others based on the boundaries that make us feel comfortable.

The issue is one of control. We all want to be in control of our lives because of the sense of security this brings us. But if we are to control what is in our boundaries we have to include less and less – our lives and our organizations are constantly becoming narrower. However, if we give the control of our lives to Jesus, who is at the center of our thinking and our actions, we can include all that Jesus wants us to include because we don’t have to control it. We then live expanding lives and our fellowships become more loving and inclusive.

This does not mean that there are no standards of excellence in a center-set fellowship. If we are following Jesus we certainly encounter the way he lived and wants us to live; we encounter his death and resurrection. His commands to love and his commission to reach out become foundational in our lives. But the identifiers of our boundaries are no longer the issue – the issue is obedience to Jesus and this brings all into the circle of Jesus who are on that journey.

  • Then there is the cultural misunderstandings that come because so many of our organizations working in Africa have their origin in the United States, Canada, or Europe and we let our culture shape how we relate rather than let Jesus live and function in an African culture in ways that are right for them.

At heart we seek to discover a few who love Jesus, love each other, and who listen to, and be obedient to, what the Lord reveals to them. This approach produces Kingdom life that shapes the organization rather than the organization becoming an inhibitor of Kingdom life.

[1] Church Without Walls by Jim Peterson, NAV Press, 1992, p. 158

[2] Ruth Haley Barton in Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership

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Posted by on September 9, 2012 in Posts from the Group


Africa Journey Meetings: What do we talk about?

We provide these meeting notes so that our blog readers can catch a glimpse inside our regular face to face meetings, learn what kinds of topics we address, and what ideas come from the the prayers and discussions.

About 20 people gathered recently at a home in Portland, Oregon to discuss their support roles to God’s movement in Africa.  Two discussions arose that presented ideas that might be helpful to others who are also involved in loving and supporting African friends. 

The first issue came up as we thought about the way we humans often stray from what the Lord has begun.  This raised the question: 

How do we help an organization or a fellowship to stay on track with what the Lord wants for them?  Some of our reflections were:

  • Probably the first question to consider is whether or not the original vision was something that came from God or was something people thought up and have used to control others or to raise finances for the organization.
  • Given the sense that the original vision was God-given then it is important to watch for the first step or two that takes us off track.  Down the road this will be a large divergence from the original objectives.
  • A discerning process is important because God is not bound by the original vision.  The Holy Spirit clearly sent Paul and Barnabas to Asia Minor, but when Paul thought they were to go back to that part of the world he discovered God closing doors and sending the team to Europe via the “Macedonian vision.”
  • Often the personal needs of those in leadership cause them to move off as they seek affirmation and importance by promoting themselves and/or their organization.  Those in leadership need to seek to experience transformed lives.
  • In any group those in leadership need to have the gifts of pastors/shepherds who care for the needs of those in their group even if that is not their primary responsibility.
  • When nudging people back on track it is important to know that no one wants to go “back” so the original objectives should be stated in ways that they become future goals.
  • Ownership of these ideas must belong to those in leadership and not one of us as an outside consultant.
  • To make any lasting changes it has to be done relationally rather than institutionally.  Rules and procedures of an organization can bring immediate changes but they won’t last.

 We also discussed another question that is important to all of us as we involve our friends in Africa.  How can we take people to Africa on short term missions that will be helpful to them and to what God is doing in Africa?  The books we have recommended in the past: When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbett & Brian Fikkert and Giving Wisely by Jonathan Martin are basic to understanding these issues.  And some of the ideas surfaced in our discussions

  • Go to be with people who are deeply connected to their communities so whatever gifts of love and encouragement you bring will be giving through those who already have the relationships.  We want our presence and our gifts to build good things for those we know who are ministering to others.
  • It is important that those going see themselves as going to learn – not to contribute out of their financial surplus or their “wealth of knowledge”.
  • If there are no relationships well established with those in Africa then it is best to not have the trip be project centered.  In that case, we need to go to be with the people to relate, to watch, and to cheer what God is using them to do.  Projects can come after the relationships are well established
  • Hopefully those who go are walking together in a close fellowship so those they meet in Africa are invited to “join with us in the fellowship that we have with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ.”

Notes by Kent Hotaling

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Posted by on November 20, 2011 in Posts from the Group


I’m not leaving. Carl Wilkens finally tells his story.

A Review of book,

I’m not leaving., by Carl Wilkens

Carl Wilkens was the only American to remain in Rwanda during the 1994 genocide.  He sent his family out of the country when evacuation orders came, and remained to stay by the side of his household employees who had Tutsi identity cards.    

The book title hints at the heroic themes to follow.  When I consider the legacy of abandonment that the United States left in the genocide, even the title of Carl’s book, feels like cool water on a painfully burning issue. 

I love this book.  It’s short (only 165 pages), self-published and gets straight to storytelling.  Carl does not try to extend the book with political background or much reflective philosophy.   He explains his reasons for refusing orders to evacuate, and then goes on to tell countless unbelievable stories of day by day survival and his efforts to protect orphans located in various orphanages around Kigali.  He makes simple but poignant observations throughout his book about faith, love and humanity, that knock you over with power of truth.

For me, the largest truth that I drew from Carl’s story, is the high value of individual relationship; the power of one to one humanity, over ideals, institutions or causes.

One passage drawing out this truth was letter exchange between Carl and the President of the Seventh Day Adventist World Wide Church, who ordered him to leave Rwanda by appealing to the greater good of the cause:

“Dear Carl,

I have tried various means to communicate with you personally and orally, but it has not been possible under the present conditions.

Thus I must resort to the written word.  Your total commitment and dedication is both heroic and exemplary.  Needless to say, I, and my fellow leaders appreciate you, and what you have accomplished.  However, it is for this very reason that I am “asking” you to depart Kigali as soon as possible.

It goes against my very nature to use the word “order” in this context; however, that is the word that most accurately describes the sense that I must convey.  I am aware that most of the UN personnel have left the area, and therefore expect you to determine a reasonably safe method of evacuation.

We must use your skills and knowledge to define future work in Rwanda.  Therefore we are asking that you immediately relocate to Nairobi to work with others there in the vital look-ahead plans.

Your remaining in Kigali would deny the church and ADRA the input which you could provide, and can be counterproductive.  For the greater good of the cause, (emphasis added) I want you to lay down the good work you have been doing in Kigali in order to become part of the larger task ahead.

This directive is given after much prayer and consultation.  It is a decision, not a request.  Please contact us immediately upon reaching Nairobi.  Our prayer is that Christ will be with you and protect you as you relocate.

Yours in Christ

Robert S. Folkenberg.

President of the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.”

Here is Carl’s reply:

“Dear Elder Folkenberg,

Thank you very much for your letter.  I am not refusing to obey your directive, but I need your help with two things before I can comply.

First, I need your help telling my friends and Rwandan coworkers that God will be with them and protect them, and explain to them why I can’t stay and rely on that same presence and protection.

Secondly, I need your help in making arrangements for the safeguarding of the two young people in my home who have Tutsi ID cards that will surely lead to them being killed.

As soon as you are able to help me with these two things I will be glad to join my family in Nairobi.


Carl Wilkens”

Let us follow Carl’s example of releasing our cause, for the sake of one or two souls!  He disregarded any opportunity to “define future work in Rwanda” in order to save the life of two household employees.

There is no doubt that ADRA had done great work in Rwanda.  But too often, we put the value of a great human institution, before the value of one person.  Jesus radically showed us the reverse.  Jesus told the parable of the lost sheep, of the shepherd’s willingness to leave the many, to rescue one desperate person. 

Carl’s story goes on to describe very many unbelievable moments of decisions that lead to life or death.  While he initially stayed to protect his household employees (who did indeed survive), he ended up saving the lives of hundreds of others, working alongside many Rwandans who sacrificed themselves to protect their fellow Rwandans.  He describes how he learned to relate to the killers as human beings, and elicit their cooperation, in order to protect many orphans and people under his care.   

I also realized by reading Carl’s story that I think about justice and fighting against evil in black and white ideals.  Carl’s story teaches me that fighting for justice is a messy job that we shouldn’t judge.  A person’s desperate fight to survive or to save others, confuses the distinction between good and evil, removing clear paths to justice.

Read Carl’s book.  He will ground you back to one-to-one relationship, and simple truths of love and faith.

By Serena Morones


Carl’s book can be purchased from his website, or here on  



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Posted by on July 31, 2011 in Posts from the Group